It's the characteristic of ungrateful people. In this reality, in this world, there's nothing so easy, so *tap tap* and then you get it. There's no such things. That is fully crap. That is impossible. Except, yes, except is very important in order to write a fact. For me, lah. I don't know everyone. I'm young and yes, in another side of the 'I'm young' word is, I am young enough to know what world means. 

I want to share my experience. My shallow experience during this 11 years I be a "student". 

I think the 3 years lately is quite amazing. There's a lot that I found since I leave my hometown. I found new friend with new behavior. I found new teachers with a new attitude. 

It's amazing! No it's not actually. Because most of the things that I found is bad. It's not bad just it's worse. 

When I was in form 1, 13 years old. I found that the 'kelas aliran agama' is not suit with me. I can't go on with the Arabic Language and so on. It is very difficult for me to choose between the A and the B. 

It is very hard. I'm going through hardship in the class because this girl, does not belong to this class. That is what I thought. 

Then, I decided. I won't put any risk for my future. I won't! I am not interested with Arabic and stuff. Yeah, I admit it. I am very bad. There's a lot of parents who want their child to go to 'kelas aliran agama' but their child is not selected. But, me? I passed the test but, suddenly, I'm start to think back, is this is the right decision? Can I go on with this?

When I was young, in the primary school. I go to 'sekolah agama'. At the school, I cover myself well. But, when I go to another place, I'm not covering myself properly. I'm wearing short skirt and thingy. I never felt shame because of it. For me, I don't care about all the aurah and stuff even I have learned about it since in the kindergarten. 

I'm wearing hijab when everybody does it. I have grown up. And people around me changed. Being good to better. Being worst to the best. And me? What will happen to me? And because of that, I'm wearing hijab. They changed in and out. Me? I'm not. I have changed my cloth. In fact, my personality is not changed. I'm still wild and do everything that I wanted to. I think hijab is enough. But, in fact, a hijab with no good faith brings me nothing. Until now. Until I decided to change myself in early of this year.

Then, I change my class. And, that is the time, I started to learn how is this world actually. 

When I am in form 1. I got problems. That's normal. Just about the friends. This lalala make a mess with this bububu and in the same time they entangle me because yes, usually, I be the center.

I never cry about it. It just like, 'come on lah, I have handled this before and it's worse than this. I don't give a damn about this.'

In form 2, I am very happy. The teachers are great! The friends are absolutely awesome. It's just like a year without any problem. I don't have any problem with the teachers and friends. It is amazing. I felt very happy in 2012. I can focus in the class and I got flying colours in exam. I never fall. I'm strong and tough.

I am just like the robot. Perfectly. :) *precious memory*

I thought my life would shine bright like before. But, it's not. It's change. A lot. Until 1.2.2013, I'm still crying for this year. For this horrible year. 

I can't understand what the teachers are talking about. And the teachers, I don't know them. They are not my form 1 and form 2 teacher. They are new teachers with new ways of teaching. And, yes, I can't adopt it! I used to be among the best in the batch because of the teachers. I understand well what they have taught me. Now, it's not. I don't understand anything. My confidence level is 0%. I'm crying. Afraid if I can't be among the best anymore. I'm very afraid of the shellacking. I can't stand it. When I used to be at the top. I will make sure that I will always be at the top with the help of the teachers. But, now, how I'm going to make sure it? I'm crying. For all day long. In the class, during recess, when I'm home. I'm crying. Crying for this unacceptable situation.

I am very very weak at that time. It's just like, I have given up. But, then, I started to change. I perform my prayer better. I read Al-Quran much much more than before. I cover my aurah well. When I feel very weak, I remember Allah. I beg for Him to help me. To give me a new hope, a new strength, a new faith. 

For me, I have been through this because of Allah love me. Really do. He wants me to change. He wants me to ask for His help. 

Now, it is just the same. I am still crying. But, I cry when I am reciting DOA. 

I am still crying in the class but I know, He is right beside me. He will guide me. There will be a way for me. He will take me out from this darkness. 

Sufficient for us is Allah, and He is the Best Guardian